Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes from famous people

I asked the barmaid for a quickie. The man next to me said, ‘It’s pronounced quiche.’
Luigi Amaduzzi, Italian Ambassador

The one phrase it is imperative to know in every foreign language is, ‘My friend will pay.’
Alan Wicker

England and America are two countries separated by a common language.
Ronald Reagan

In England, an elevator is called a lift, a mile is called a kilometre, and botulism is called a steak and kidney pie.
Fred Truman

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.
Henry Youngman

I was so ugly when I was a kid, when I played in the sand pit the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield

In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.
Erma Bombeck

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand pit in our backyard. I was an only child… eventually.
Steven Wright

I can’t have children because I have white couches.
Carrie Snow

I do get broody occasionally – like when I’m lying on the couch and can’t quite reach the remote I think, a kid would be nice right now.
Kathleen Madigan

Why English is difficult to learn