Why The Power of Personal Change?
I’m often asked why my six-day training is called The Power of Personal Change – MetaMorphosis 101. In this interview with Aaron Mooar, we discuss how much more powerful it is to change our behaviour rather than continuing to behave in the same ways and expecting others to change.
Personal change is so effective because we learn flexibility and resilience
We talk about the importance of individual adaptation and about thinking in holistic/systemic ways.
What do I mean by systems?
The ocean is a system: a complex mix of water, sand, fish and other creatures. Seabed mining would have an impact on that system that we can’t even fathom. The ocean is also part of a system with the land. We all know how earthquakes and tsunamis impact the seas and the coastal areas, as well as the communities that live there. There’s the system between the listeners and myself and Aaron on the radio as well as the audio system in the studio. A change in any part of a system affects the system as a whole, and sometimes aspects of other systems too. That’s why it’s critical to take a holistic approach to change rather than focusing solely on the individual.
When people make changes in their behaviour, the changes impact those around them, because they’re all part of the same system.
The importance of flexibility
People in weak relationships continuously behave in ways that produce adverse outcomes. Although at some level of thought they know better, they often expect a different result or anticipate their partner will change and respond differently. Of course, their partner might be waiting for them to change! If you adjust your behaviour, other people around you have to react differently from the ways they have in the past. This is how systems work. That’s why personal change is so necessary if you want to be influential. And that’s why my course, The Power of Personal Change – MetaMorphosis 101 is so titled.
The aggressive client
Listen as I acquaint you with the story of an aggressive woman who was required by her company to consult me, due to complaints about her conduct at work. People had tended to avoid her and, because of her aggression, few people had stood up to her. When she finally made some behavioural changes her main observation was that other people at work had changed – because they were responding differently to her!
Children who have a tantrum and then get what they want, learn that tantrums get them what they want. This behaviour – although somewhat adapted – can continue throughout life with some 50-year-old’s still behaving like ‘spoilt children’ to get what they want. Powerful senior executives can continue having tantrums their whole lives. They get away with it because subordinates know that challenging their ‘superiors’ actions could result in them losing their jobs.
We examine how people often point to colleagues and bosses as the cause of their problems. As they jump from job to job, they fail to consider how their behaviour might be contributing to their woes.
Flexibility and resilience
We consider how learning NLP builds flexibility and resilience, as well as behavioural skills, to deal with demanding situations and increase your ability to respond appropriately in a variety of circumstances.
We talk about how we all have things that are important to us — our values — and how we tend to be attracted to people with similar values. Opposing values, however, can interfere with relationships. I tell Aaron about an exercise I use where people discuss their opposing values and beliefs. Participants, given ground rules for the discussion, practice talking, reflective listening and responding. While the exercise can be challenging for some, the outcomes are often surprising and enlightening.